My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
