I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
