no, he came in my armpit
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
