Can i not drive my cunt home
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
