there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize