things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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