Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
