Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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