My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
