Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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