im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
