I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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