Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize