And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
