never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize