Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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