It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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