I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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