she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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