My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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