Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
