SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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