I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Boobs are out for the taking
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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