the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize