4 words: hood of his car
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
