Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
