what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
