I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
