dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
