Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
