I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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