I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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