I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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