Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize