Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
