If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
