Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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