I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
