I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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