My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
