morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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