Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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