Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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