My liver just broke up with me...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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