This is not my ceiling
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
