I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize