the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
