when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You ruined the universe
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
