I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
