Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
