legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
