I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
