Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm at about main and main street
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
