I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
