I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
