You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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