just come out here and I will go home with you...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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