do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
