That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I will die if light touches me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
