you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
