So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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