Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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