i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
