Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
