You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
