She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
