Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I will pee on everything he values.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
