I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
