Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize