if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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