Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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