What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize