ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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