i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Boobs speak an international language.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
