Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
