eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
