i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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