The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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