is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize