honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize