she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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