Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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