what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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