Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Vodka?
Forever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Randomize
