I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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