What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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