I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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