u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i came on her dog
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
