I think im going to throw up on grandma
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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