It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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