How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
