i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
