If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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