jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
