i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize