So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
