my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize