My liver just broke up with me...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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